Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later!
Badsleeper Life
you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake
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My List (Part 2)
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My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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-
-
My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
-
-
-
My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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-
-
My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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-
-
My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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My List (Part 2)
Continuing to write about music that inspires and captivates me, so that it can continue to do so in new ways.
Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut album, ‘Third Eye Blind’:
This album is ludicrously good. In my opinion!
It wouldn’t be for very long that this band truly felt like a ‘band’. Publicized stories about lawsuits between lead-singer Stephan Jenkins and guitarist Kevin Cadogan paint a picture of betrayal, egomania, and deep resentment. Kevin tells of being ousted after Stephen’s conspiratorial effort to establish sole rights to the group’s brand and catalog, despite the two supposedly having a verbal agreement to be 50/50 partners. Stephan Jenkins’ dickish/douchey persona, his smug and smirking visage filling the frame of their music videos and stage performances, hardly compelled 3eb fans to call out “Stephen!? He would never do such a thing!” Since Kevin Cadogan’s departure I always had a strong perception of Third Eye Blind being Stephan Jenkins’ solo project. The first album, with the two musicians in their closest collaboration, is a triumph of 90s rock music. And Kevin’s guitar work is a defining feature, an electric conveyance of human spirit that would never be heard in such a way again, despite the band subsisting for another 28 years. The main pop culture hits of ‘Semi-Charmed Life’ and ‘Jumper’ remain fantastic, but it’s the powerhouse opener ‘Losing A Whole Year’ and the consecrated closing triad of “The Background”, “Motorcycle Drive By”, and “God of Wine” that make it legendary in my mind.
Sonata in C# Minor for Saxophone and Piano by Fernande Decruck (née Breilh): This piece of music captured my soul from the first time I heard it when I was a freshman in music school. I listened to it in amazement and declared to myself, “I will play that at my senior recital.” And I did exactly that. Now that I have gravitated towards a serious effort to learn the piano, I am declaring to myself “I will play that piano part!” It seems impossibly out of reach…Flying, flourishing runs of sixteenths, triplets, and sextuplets all throughout the sprawling range of the instrument, movements that I can’t comprehend my fingers and hands ever being capable of executing. I wonder if it’s truly impossible for me. I will find out.
My Little Suede Shoes by Charlie Parker: This infectious and simple tune was the first thing assigned to me when I signed up for summer Jazz saxophone lessons as a middle schooler. I recall entering a nearly empty Transit Middle School on a hot summer day and meeting with a local teacher in the band room. It was a strange lesson. He informed me about the musical prowess of Charlie Parker and told me how “In these lessons, we will be singing and using our voice. This is non-negotiable when learning jazz. Some people are uncomfortable singing but you’ll just have to get over it.” I remember feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety lol I was the quintessential ‘afraid to sing in front of people’ kid. He then told me about the incredible achievements of his former saxophone student ‘Dan’ and Dan’s remarkable work ethic. This was later brought up again in an episode of chastising after I showed up to a subsequent lesson ill-prepared. Something about it was strange to me. I think that experience has shaped my perspective when it comes to my own students: I will work with them to be the best version of themselves, not in comparison to anyone else. In any case, I’m grateful for being introduced to this tune. I’ve been revisiting it on the piano this week, transcribing Charlie Parker’s solo and now, as an adult, feeling much better equipped to understand the genius that lies within this modest and charming little song.
I had intended to write and reflect on a few more tunes but I think that’s plenty for now. More later! -
My List (Part 1)
Badsleeper’s Infinite List of The Dopest Shit Ever (In No Particular Order)
Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus: This song is so freaking good. The drum beat sounds incredible. I love that kick-snare tone. The droning bass is full. The synths, the little counter melodies, the cheeky synth brass sounds, the twangy high pitched melodic riff, it all blends and harmonizes into this liquid ocean of sonic candy sweetness. Put more simply, it’s a fkin vibe. The vocal delivery is infused with unique character and conviction:
“BUT! It alwaaays…..faaalls!”
“HE SAID!…all things pass. Into the night. AND I SAID! HO NO, SIR! I must say you’re wrong. I must disagree HO NO, sir!”
“I seen my hopes and dreams lyin on the GRR-OUU-NDDD!”
And those high pitched cries at the end. The soul sings.
The song is primarily associated with the fictional serial killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ from the movie ‘The Silence of The Lambs’ (1991). I feel this association spoils the song for some people. It doesn’t do so for me. It’s beautiful and I love it. And it belongs on the list.
Patricia by Perez Prado: The signature song from the King of the Mambo. The shuffling drum pattern, intermixed with Afro-Cuban patterns in the rhythm section, the piercing, hotly mic’d brass that can rip through the texture at any moment, and the playful reedy sound of the lead electronic organ interjecting at unexpected moments. Its irresistibly danceable, quirky, and timeless. It makes me happy. It’s also repeatedly sung by Homer Simpson in an early episode while he gets ready to take Marge out to dinner and when they return home. How charming. I love it.
Mama, You Been On My Mind sung by Jeff Buckley: Jeff Buckley singing a song authored by Bob Dylan. What more needs to be said?
“Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
And cov’rin’ the crossroads I’m standing at
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that
But mama, you been on my mind”
Alison Moyet’s voice on the Yazoo song ‘Don’t Go’: This song is a mega romp of iconic 80’s synthesizers and drum machines. Vince Clark was brilliant in that regard. Moyet is a powerhouse singer and there is something particularly compelling when even a singer with such power seems to be fearlessly pushing the limit. There is a reckless abandon to her delivery. An attitude of “whatever happens, happens” as she casts her voice forward with total conviction. It’s dope and it’s on the list.
Rudolf Buchbinder playing Haydn Keyboard Sonata in D Major, Hob. XVI:37: 1. Allegro con Brio: I can only imagine being able to play the piano with such FIRE. I can’t really play anything ‘Con Brio’. I have to live vicariously through this recording. It’s so exciting, agile, forceful, commanding. The fingers are nimble, powerful, and the spirit is electric. I’ve listened to it many many times and will listen many more. I want to play it someday. Slower…
Lastly, Cookie Dough Ice Cream: Cookie Dough ice cream makes a stronger case for a benevolent creator being than the Cosmological Argument, the Teleological Argument, the Moral Argument, and the Ontological Argument combined.
I’m going to go back to my piano practice now. More later. -
Terrestrial Meaning
I have these endeavors. I take jazz piano lessons. I’ve been working hard, but I’m still a total novice. I take classical piano lessons. I’ve improved a lot. But I still have a really long way to go. I’m writing songs. I’m recording this song called ‘Cigarette’. I’m so excited about it, but also completely overwhelmed trying to piece it all together. I teach beginner piano students. I want to be the best teacher possible for them.
Where is it all leading to?
I often feel like the level I want to reach with all these things is simply unreachable. Progress is painstaking and slow. I’m bombarded by information every week about how to be better. How to improve. Information from my teachers, from my lesson books, from the internet, from my own mind. I open YouTube and it’s “Here’s The 10 Mistakes You’re Making In Your Jazz Learning”, “How To Phrase Like The Greats”, “This Chord Exercise Will Change Everything For You”. I’m instructed by my teachers to practice my technique, my scales and arpeggios, my walking bass lines, sight-reading, transcribing, ear training, voicing, articulation, playing from memory, performing in front of people. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea where I’m going. I don’t want any more information. I don’t want any more suggestions. I don’t want to practice 9 billion things and I don’t want to set any more goals. I just want to make music. I feel like I don’t even know how.
I feel paralyzed and frustrated. I guess I’ll keep trying tomorrow. What else can I do? I’m on a giant rock, hurling through space and flying around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. I only exist in theory. One day I will be forgotten. I just have to figure out what makes me happy. Happiness is somewhere in this sprawling kingdom of Music. I have to find my way back to the road. -
The Dissonance of Emotion and Understanding
How long does it take to take properly “digest” art? How long should it take? And how much effort should one really put toward doing so?
I’ve been watching a bit more of Anthony Fantano (the internet’s busiest music nerd). He has an encyclopedic knowledge of modern artists and their discography and really is entertaining to watch. My favorite moment has been watching his interview with Damon Albarn, where at the start Damon cordially shares a bit of small talk about his morning “I’ve just been for a swim. It’s a beautiful beautiful but quite chilly autumn afternoon.” To which Anthony nods with an utterly blank stare and begins firing off questions about the creative process. His awkwardness and musical obsession know no bounds.
I like that he’s willing to listen to and assess pretty much anything. He recently posted a first-listen review of Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life Of A Showgirl”. Not exactly my go-to artist…but I was interested in his thoughts, and I always want to try to expand my understanding of production, songwriting, and of what is popular. As expected of Taylor, the songs were sparkly, catchy, lyrically loquacious…occasionally mawkish.
But to get to the point. There was a moment where Anthony and his co-hosts were reacting to a song called ‘Eldest Daughter’ that featured the lyric “I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness, I’ve been dying just from trying to seem cool”. They instantly began laughing and railing against the lyric. Expressing how out of touch, arrogant, and egotistical the line was. “How ridiculous to claim you are so unique. And then add ‘terminal’ on to it!?” I was honestly pretty surprised by the instantaneous reaction. I was expecting someone who essentially critiques music for a living to have a more measured response. A message popped up from a random chatter in the stream, “the Swifties will try to defend her and say she’s being sarcastic! lol”
A few moments of research reveal that “terminal uniqueness” is a term used in the world of psychology and addiction recovery to describe “someone who believes their own situation is so different from others that recovery programs and support groups will not be effective for them.” It would seem obvious that an artist describing themselves as having a “terminal uniqueness” would carry some implied self-awareness. Akin to expressing something like, “I’ve lost my way to utter narcissism”. Not to mention songwriters frequently take on the role of a character or persona when telling a story.
In any case, it got me thinking about how we engage with music. Should Anthony and his co-hosts have stopped and asked, “Can this lyric be interpreted differently? Could I be missing something?” I would answer a resounding “yes”. But, to what lengths should we even go to understand art? It seems clear that sometimes art can be so off-putting to one’s sensibilities as to be beyond investigating. In such instances, it seems writing something off makes sense. Yet at the same time, it seems to me that in order to justify having a very strong opinion about something, one should put in a great deal of time to understand the thing they are passing harsh judgment on.
I can’t sight-read a piece of piano music and claim to understand it after one play-through. Or watch a confusing film one time and make the claim it was total nonsense. When I inspect a piece of art and feel off-put by it, in some ways I feel compelled to engage with it even more and understand the nature of my own aesthetic revulsion. This was a long post and I don’t know where it’s going. I need to sleep.
Joy and disgust surface in an instant. Understanding takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Sometimes more time than we have.
Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. -
Simplicity. Depth.
Speaking of obsession. I am obsessed with the piano. I spent hours tonight playing an extremely simplistic arrangement of Sir Edward Elgar’s ‘Pomp and Circumstance’. Over and over and over.
There are schools of thought which attest that progress is made by pushing towards the edge of what is possible. By pushing oneself to the absolute limit. Dancing on a razor’s edge and going for broke. There is a certain reward to be reaped from this mode of pursuit.
But there is another very rich and fruitful pursuit. The act of taking the simplest thing possible and attempting to play it to perfection. If you think you’ve reached perfection, asking oneself, “Am I missing something? Are there levels of ‘perfect’ far beyond what I can currently understand?” Scrutinizing every detail. Trying to uncover the shrouded and clandestine depths that may exist in what most see as the most shallow puddle.
I’ve always been attracted to this concept. Doing things that appear simple but have tremendous depth. I always loved picking simple characters in Tekken and carrying out simple gameplans for instance. Poke, block, punish. I would try to conceive of the game in a simple way and when I did, endless challenges and fun arose. I am interested in similar ideas in music.
I learned so much tonight playing this little children’s piece. Trying to play the repetitive left hand chords with a perfect, consistent balance. Trying to tend to every phrase so that not a single note juts out or breaks the flowing melodic line. I never succeeded. I was never perfect. But I found a labyrinth in a shoebox.
“The Universe is a labyrinth made of labyrinths. Each leads to another.”
― Stanisław Lem, Fiasco -
The Perks of Obsession
I went to the BPO’s ‘Folklore and Fantasy’ concert tonight. It was a program of Rossini, Bartok, and Chopin. The conclusive Chopin Concerto No. 1 in E minor was performed by pianist Maxim Lando. It was some mind-bending, awe-inspiring shit.
I could go on and on about the unfathomable level of virtuosity and artistry on display from the young soloist. It’s a level of musicianship that I will never get to, nor will I ever fully comprehend. But no need to fret. It’s great to just be present and to appreciate human talents. To witness the result of a small child walking a gauntlet of devotion, past adolescence, into adulthood. Day after day. Year after year. Years becoming decades. Living a life of musical obsession and musical immersion. Culminating in a single moment.
I imagine the many challenges and frustrations he must have encountered. The physical pain and psychological pressure. Steadily overcoming all obstacles so he could deliver that performance tonight. His personality shining through the whole time. Emitting resolve, determination, fire, sensitivity, eccentricity. I thought about the prophesizing on how Artificial Intelligence is going to eventually deliver a deathblow to art once and for all. I felt relieved…I thought…the AI pianist will never spring off the piano bench after the striking the final note, glistening with sweat, looking out at the audience with beaming smile and beaming eyes. Adrenaline coursing through veins. Taking a bow. The soul triumphant. The hearts speaks: “I did it.” And the audience understands. -
The Artist as Paradox
With the production of ‘Earthquake’ winding down, my mind is racing to answer the question “what’s next?”. Part of what I have envisioned for Badsleeper is that while we will create songs with expansive, extravagant arrangements, we will also write songs that are for a single acoustic instrument and the voice. It’s remarkable how I have spent the past several weeks listening back to this dense behemoth of audio files that is ‘Earthquake’, only to listen to a Bob Dylan song at the end of the day, which forces me to sit in bewilderment…”He can say more with nothing but a guitar in his hand than I can with 100+ audio tracks and a 10-core GPU.”
It’s great to make crazy songs with apocalyptic synthesizers, but I don’t want to lose sight of what I think is such a noble pursuit as a musician: the ability to say a lot with so little. Bob Dylan feels like such a mythical figure for me lately. Strange, cryptic, eccentric. A man who can somehow emanate total artistic transparency and vulnerability, like you are listening to the mystic chords of his very soul. And yet, at the same time, a feeling that he is nothing more than a mere vessel…a wayfaring stranger, a faceless cowboy with a guitar. A bard who transmits folk tunes and musical lore from many lost generations of men and women. You see all of him, and nothing of him. A paradox.
I’ve always found the aesthetic presence of just a singer and his guitar alluring. I would have daydreams when I was younger of riding around on a Colorado railroad, plucking a guitar in a sleeper car, and looking out the window at marvelous landscapes. Being free to go anywhere and make music anywhere. The guitar has that nomadic energy. I want to transmit that energy and that fantasy into ‘Badsleeper’ somehow. Because in many ways sitting on a laptop making music at home is completely antithetical.
I’ve been playing a couple Bob Dylan tunes on my guitar to keep that inspiration up. I have my girlfriend to thank for that. She’s introduced me to a lot more of his songs and reignited that adoration I have for him. Just one of many ways she has fanned the flames of my creative efforts since I’ve known her.
I also have an original song in mind for an upcoming release. It’s called ‘Dying Roses’. It’s a simple song with just a guitar. It’s lyrics are deeply personal to me…which is scary to share. But I want to find that ‘in-between’. The vulnerable soul-bearer. The impartial storyteller. Co-existing.
“All I can be is me- whoever that is. ”
― Bob Dylan -
A New Genesis
Today I suddenly felt it important to begin documenting my artistic endeavors. I’ve had a lot going on with music lately and I reason that it will help me get my thoughts in order.
My music project ‘Badsleeper’ is just about to finish our new single ‘Earthquake’. It’s been an arduous process trying to put this track together. Like many songs I write, it’s been dwelling in development hell for years on end. I’ve managed to resurrect it with the help of a great producer and the encouragement of some cherished people. It was over 3 years ago that I was piecing together random sounds in a Logic loops session – sounds that would ultimately transform into the track I intend to release this month.
It’s by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever made. Dense vocal harmonies, obscure samples, ominous and frenetic synthesizers, and villainous, pitch-shifted narrations. I want to say I’m curious how it will be received, but I am also making music with a vivid understanding of a simple truth: very few people will ever give a s**t about your music. There’s just so much of it out there. A heavenly sky of masterpieces. A bottomless chasm of drivel. An infinite fog of mediocrity. How high the likelihood one’s homespun sonic effort will simply drown a muffled death in an ocean of blaring noise. It’s a labyrinthine world. But the intrigue in the thought that someone could stumble through this Borgesian insanity, the audio files of the Library of Babel, and discover your song, it seems enough to carry on. What good is a dream if it is not, in some sense, absurd?
I’ve been devoting a tremendous amount of time (and money) to producing this music, yet I simultaneously don’t care much about many people hearing it. I guess I am truly doing it for the love of the game. It’s liberating and wonderful to make art. “We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams”
Once the song is released I’m looking forward to making another video explaining the history of the song, how it was produced, the challenges involved in making it, the whole lore behind it all. And I’m definitely hoping to get my co-conspirator Jonny involved in the video this time around. That will be up on our Youtube when the time comes: (https://www.youtube.com/@bad.sleeper) Our first single ‘Tomorrow’ along with my video explanation for it are currently available there.
Looking forward to more posts about Badsleeper, along with posts documenting my piano practice and music reflections throughout the week. There is an unending tunnel of learning and exploration before me, I intend to charge into it. Brazenly, blindly.
“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.”
― Jorge Luis Borges
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Badsleeper Life 